As a child, I was deeply affected by the story of Cinderella and if somebody in the family asked who your favorite is, I’d proudly declare her name. I wanted to wear dress like Cinderella and wished to have fairy for a friend. When somebody asked why I like her so much, I’d say because she’s beautiful, truthful and kind. She always helps others and does great things to even those who are bad. She says “No”.
As children, we learned that saying no was inappropriate. We grow up watching films or family examples where elders talk in front of us that those who say no are poor. Often “kindness” is correlated with saying “yes” but the truth is these are two different things. In the words of Dr. Newman, “Girls are increased to be care givers and nurturers, and which is why the issue is much more prevalent for women than men”, however in my opinion the issue isn’t gender specific and it is both in women and men. For some people this becomes a habit, or even an addiction.
So as to understand this little better let me tell you the reasons that makes a person always say yes-
For Love- it’s proven fact that human beings are emotional and we all want love and affection. This is one of the most crucial reasons that lead some people to say yes because we think saying No will draw people apart from us and we won’t be loved as much.
Fear of being rejected- We all want to be loved and hate being rejected. The idea of rejection is painful and sometimes just from uncertainty, some people say yes despite the fact that we want to say no in our heart.
For showing kindness- All of us have seen this in the films that good people are always giving and kind, and bad men and women are always unkind.They always say no to everyone. Saying No is often related to rudeness and hence we choose to be kind instead of being rude.
As humans, we feel danger in the unknown areas and for that reason keep giving ourselves false excuses; to stay in those wrong jobs and with wrong people and keep saying yes to the things that make us miserable.
Cultural pressure- As kids we’re always taught to be kind and say yes to everybody especially to elders and people in authoritative positions such as teachers. Hence, a number of us as adults, find it hard to say no to elderly people and to the managers at work place.
The cycle that starts in our childhood keeps going and we’re trapped to the extent that we start feeling guilty whenever we say no to people. In the majority of the cases it’s just an over hyped scenario that we build in our minds. In some other instances however, things get weird Bee Control after people, that are habitual of listening from us suddenly begin getting no. They start feeling that we’ve turned arrogant and some even feel betrayed. Sometimes we end up feeling lonely because of the sudden troubles we face in our close relationships. The same thing happens in the office where our coworkers and supervisors don’t expect us to say no.
In spite of all these impacts, in my view saying no is much better than saying yes for most of the things because of the following reasons-
It gives you the chance to be true to yourself- Saying No to things that makes you miserable saves your time and energy for doing other productive stuffs. It gives you the opportunity to become really involved in the things that you truly enjoy doing.
Good for mental health- There is nothing worse than saying yes for something you don’t wish to do. In my personal experience, it brings plenty of frustration and unnecessary stress. Saying No without feeling guilty can help you feel relaxed and you can do your regular with greater focus and positive energy.
It helps you know who your true well wishers are People who stick to you just for getting favor of some sort won’t stay with you once they learn that you are capable of saying No to them. Hence, it’s also a good technique to understand who all your real wishers are.
Saying No is very tricky for people that are in the habit of saying yes. Some suggestions derived from my personal experiences to handle this issue-
Letting go off the youth preaching and saying no with confidence doesn’t makes you a bad man.
Take time before you say yes- Every time someone asks you to do something, don’t say yes right away, rather take time (a day or two), and think whether you actually need to do it. After considering, politely accept or deny the request.
Remember that your self-worth doesn’t depend on what others think of you- Your self-worth is what you recognize and it shouldn’t be subject to opinion of others. You don’t need to please everybody you know. Realize that you’re better than that and certainly worth much more.
It’s a good thing to be considerate, generous and helping. A person can be kind and in the same time set his/her boundaries. In the words of Paulo Coelho, “When you say yes to others, be sure that you are not saying no to yourself” and in the words of Tony Blair “The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It’s quite easy to say yes”.